I’m not doing anything I really want to be doing right now. In life I mean.
A month ago I thought I was. I thought I enjoyed the things I was doing (job, home, relationships)…but…I’m not. Hell, a year or two ago, you couldn’t tell me I wasn’t doing everything I wanted to do and I was damn happy about it. (no I’m not going through a mid-life crisis…I’m still young and spry damnit)
I want to fix the feelings of displeasure, but for some reason I’m stumped on how to get started. I don’t want a job that I have no joy in doing. I don’t want to live somewhere that doesn’t make me happy. I don’t want to have relationships with people that make me wrinkle my brow more than smile.
The one thing about myself that I know VERY well is that I make FAST decisions. Sometimes with little thought. Which is probably why I return a lot of things to the store. *hmmmm*
So, what I’ve decided is to take the time this summer to figure out all the things that need figuring. I start school at the end of August and by then I plan to have some decisions made about the above. Well, except one. That one has been figured. *cryptic ain’t I?*
Speaking of rash decisions. Have you ever applied for a job that you really didn’t want? Maybe the pay wasn’t on par with what you desired? Or the benefits were a little shaky? Yes? No? Well, I did. I applied for a position working with cell phone support. The pay sucks, but there are benefits, and I’m sick of out of pocket benefits. Sick of it people. So, I thought, it sounds like a very interesting job. A job that I could totally get into. There is a 4-week training that they give you the option of flying out of town for OR sitting in on the class via satellite. *snort* Yea…like I’d be flying anywhere. Anyway, when I applied it was with the assumption that there was no way in hell they would call me. Sure I have computer tech support experience, but that has nothing to do with cellphone support, right? And don’t you know they called. Why is it when I really want a job, I get nothing. I said, SURE to the meeting with the manager and went in today.
It went well. She liked me. I could tell. Or maybe I couldn’t. Whatever. BUT, the job is a little different from what I expected and I could feel my desire sinking. I wondered why on Earth I applied for it. =/
When I got home (mind you, we had rainforest-like rains today — luckily my hair was in a bun), we (ok the kids) discovered that my son had dropped a small peanut off of his ice cream cone earlier. One peanut. One. And it was COVERED … COOOOVERED in little red/brown (what the hell color are they) ants. UGH! and YUCK! I got bug spray to kill them. Yes…yes I know they are the tiniest little thing. But a bug is a bug and bug spray is for bugs! I wanted to scold him (my son) for dropping food on the floor and not picking it up…and then I started thinking…hmmm….I had ice cream too. And I couldn’t remember if I lost a nut or two, so i thought better of it.