Monthly archives: December 2006

STJSM: The Toilet Paper Roll.

“Weezy”: George, have you noticed the toilet paper in the bathroom?
George: Heh. Only when it ain’t there!

This blog is pointless. And most of them are. But with my lack of sleep (oh yea, I’m still lacking), I’ve had much time to think about SHIT THAT JUST SHOULDN’T MATTER.

When I was a child, my mum taught me how to put toilet paper (Never, ever call it tissue I was told by my ex. Tissue is for your nose. Toilet paper is for your bum.). Anyway, she told me that the “tongue” should be over NEVER under because that’s just ass backwards. And for years she’d come behind me and say, “Geez Robin, why on Earth do you like to see the toilet paper ass backwards!!” (except…my mother never cursed…although, she did SPELL frickin’ to me one time when she was super mad at me)

So I developed issues. Just one of the many.

The tongue must be over! Never under! Never ever!

Fast forward 13 years. I moved in with someone (the ex-spouse) who was taught the exact…total…opposite. Now, I had lived with people before, but they just didn’t give a shit either way. But he said I was putting it on backwards and NO ONE had ever told me that (since the GEEZ ROBIN’s from my mother). I laughed in his face and told him he was insane. My mum, the queen of all mother’s, instructed me the CORRECT way. And his mother, well…let’s just say she was wrong.

If I went in the bathroom and saw it “upside down” with the tongue coming from underneath I’d change it and grumble – sometimes loud enough for him to hear.

After a while I got tired of changing it, so I’d just grumble. Have you ever seen the toilet paper come from UNDER?? That shit’s ugly! But, as the years went by, I noticed it less and less. Probably because as the years went by, I spent more time changing baby diapers and less time worrying about a pretty bathroom (I love pretty bathrooms).

Today, I can honestly say I’ve kicked the habit. Right now, I don’t even know which way the toilet paper is hanging. Wait, let me go look.

Heck. Right now, the toilet paper isn’t even on the holder. It’s empty and a full one is on the tub and another full one is on the back of the toilet! Talk about overcoming obsessive compulsive behaviors! Aye! What a slob!

Here is my drawing of today’s SHIT THAT JUST SHOULDN’T MATTER!


Remember kids, the ass of the toilet paper should face the world.

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Sleep Don’t Come Easy.

The past couple of weeks I haven’t been sleeping. At least, not at night. I seem to easily drop off mid-movie/tv show. =/ I’m not sure if it’s because I can’t sleep or if it’s because I won’t allow myself to sleep. There just aren’t enough hours in the day and I always find something else that I must do. Now. So I stay up late and get up early…sometimes only getting one hour of rest.Am I tired during the day? Yup. There are moments when extreme sleepiness hits me, but then it’s gone…just like that.

I know I need sleep, now if I could only convince “her” of that. Old + ugly = GET SOME GOT DAMN BEAUTY SLEEP!! It get’s really bad when my PVC’s (google) act up. It’s usually effected by caffeine, sugar, stress or being so darn tired I can barely see straight. My heart feels all jumpy and I know I need the rest.

So, what can I do to convince the brain that the ol’ body needs sleep?

Bad ideas:
– tea at 11pm *bouncing in chair*
– chocolate chip cookies @ midnight *mmmmm*
– chocolate chip cookies washed down with tea @ 1am *mmmmmer*
– balancing checkbook *gawd…help*
– watching horror flick that leaves me sitting up in bed w/bed sheets pulled up to my eyeballs *bad bad bad…damnit*
– thinking about how everyone in the house is sleeping…and possibly the whole entire world! GAH! And how this would be a perfect time for those fruitin’ aliens to come down and abduct me *yea..I know..that’s taking it a bit far*
– watching any film that has sex or simulated sex or humping or making out or kissing or touching of skkkiiiinnnn or a man and a woman in the same room *counts days since last time…damnit*

Good ideas:
– a relaxing bath *with candles..mmmmm*
– read a book *not a book with sex…ZANE! damnit*
– put on a Winnie …zzzZZZZ…. sorry… the Pooh ….zzzzZZZZ… sorry… movie *yawn..bor…ing*

– Music *and not that verbzy kind*
– Sex. *damnit*So, one of those methods I’m going to try tonight. Guess which ONE it won’t be. =/

I have loads of crap to do today. As usual. I was going to take a picture of my “to do list”…but my camera needs charging. *adds to list*

If you see me online after 9:30 10:00 10:30, tell me to take a hike. =)


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Christmas is Over!

Christmas is over and I’ve spent the last 48 hours cleaning my house.

On Xmas Eve the kids and I started our traditions around 9:30. Was supposed to be 9, but I was still wrapping until then. We made the cookies and they opened their Xmas Eve gifts. Pajamas for each and two Xmas movies. We ate cookies and watched the movies which I fell asleep on (GAWD I’m old. =/ ). Around 12:30am Shan woke up her old ass mammy and said they were headed to bed. I stayed awake for the next 4 hours. ZGTmnijohvjnroi;aeroig;r GAH! Gabbing on the phone and playing Santie.

Kids got up around 8 am on Xmas morning. I could have slept another 2…3…5 hours…but hey, they were excited. Apparently some fat jolly man (humph) came in the middle of the night and gave all people under the age of 18 nice gifts. To be young again.

Usually we have a mess of crap everywhere with 3 kids ripping paper from 2 gifts at a time. I decided that this year (being in the new house and having new traditions) we were going to be neater about this whole thing. I grabbed a giant BLACK trash bag, made the kids sit in a circle and put the bag in the middle of them (this was going to be easy peasy).

I gave Shan a gift and tortured the other kids by making them watch her open it. After 2 rounds of handing one gift and making each kid watch I looked over at the mound of gifts dropped off by relatives from all over Cleveland. This was gonna take all fruitin’ day! I decided that…OK…I’ll give each kid a gift and they can open them at the same time and only AFTER all trash has been deposited into the giant BLACK trash bag can we continue to the next round. I giggled with glee because it was Xmas morning and there was NO trash on my floor. My evil plan was working! *giggity*

Well, 2 rounds seems to be my limit because after the second round I realized this wasn’t working. Raph wasn’t putting his trash IN the bag. I mean, he tried, but it made it onto the floor every time. Not only that, but he was slow! The girls were ready to move on to the next gift, but he was still trying to figure out how to open his package with one hand while the other hand dove into his stocking for more chocolate goodies.

So, I had a new plan…let him go at his own pace! He’s a boy, they’re slow (mwahaha) *cough*. I piled all his gifts around him and let him have at them at will. I’d just clean up his mess, because one kid’s mess couldn’t be as bad as three. But then…Shae wanted to know how Raph got so many gifts at once? And Shan wanted to know if she could eat candy while she opened her gifts too and could I help her with her trash pick-up?? And mommy, can you open this Barbie??? But mommy I wanted you to open this Cabbage Patch Kid first???? Mommy open this remote control car that is totally screwed into the fucking box!!! GAH! Yea…they didn’t say fucking, but I know they wanted to. I was overwhelmed and the bag was overflowing. =/

By 10 am there were 2.5 giant BLACK trash bags in the kitchen filled with boxes and twisties and rubberbands and plastic wrap and wrapping paper and my sanity. Damnit.

At 11 am my mother called to tell me, Oh yea…we picked up a huge santa sack of gifts from your aunt’s house for the kids, you need to pick it up. Bring a U-haul.

By noon Ray called to say he was bringing gifts from his family.

By 5 minutes after NOON I said Fuck it (with a smile). More gifts came in and the floor disappeared by 3. It was WONDERFUL! I sat on the couch while my line of kids (Gosh I have a lot of kids) stood in front of me while I worked at box after box of toys. Why the hell they weld the toys to the boxes I don’t know. I needed scissors, screwdrivers and pliers to pry the toys from their home. When I was done, I threw the box on the floor. ON THE FLOOR! It was great! The kids and I rolled around in the mess, ate chocolate with our feet and got drunk off of the pure joy! PURE JOY! After I stopped being anal all went pretty well.

By 11 pm anality (yes…anality) set back in and I was on a mission.  I dove in and I’m just swimming out at 3pm on Wed. *sigh* I need a maid.

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