Monthly archives: January 2004

Writing Bites.

I’ve been busier than usual this week. *sigh* Right now I have a headache because my daughter thinks to be heard she needs to talk at the top of her lungs. I can’t figure out why she talks so loud…all the time. She never uses a low/quiet voice.

Anyway, I have a English assignment that I need to complete by Monday and I’m about half way through it. I hate English and writing and being creative…but I must do it. It’s like pulling teeth to get each sentence out. In one of my reading assignments the author was saying students shouldn’t study in bed because the bed makes you sleepy/drowsy and you’ll get less accomplished. HA! I just purchased a Compaq Presario laptop just for that reason! So I can do my work lounging on the couch or in bed. I always study in bed. I like to watch tv in bed too. Oh well. I don’t associate my bed with sleeping and that’s probably why I have a hard time going to sleep at night. My room is like the living room. *lol*

The girls were supposed to start a creative dance class today, but I found out at the last possible minute (thanks to the wonderful dance school) that they need tap shoes as well as ballet shoes. They were a little disappointed that they’ll have to start next week.

PS: If you didn’t know ODB has moved and is now located at www.dizzam.com. No need to register again, the url has just changed.

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You Got It.

I think I’m finally able to admit and announce my disease. I believe I’ve suffered from it from some time now. I denied it for a long time…although others told me it looked as if I was plagued by it. I am a hypochondriac. What’s that? Well, Webster says it’s, “The persistent conviction that one is or is likely to become ill, often involving symptoms when illness is neither present nor likely, and persisting despite reassurance and medical evidence to the contrary.” That would probably be me. I mostly very sane, except when it comes to my health and the health of my family.

Watching TV is very hazardous. I remember watching John Q, with Denzel Washington, and suddenly feeling as if I had heart failure. No really. I get what you got. I watch something and then suddenly I have all the symptoms. For example, I just recently found out I get the Lifetime Movie Channel. My little bedroom TV rarely sees another channel since. Lifetime is full of illness & emotions & awful acting. I’ve done pretty well with it though. Crying when necessary and after the show, wiping up those emotions and being done with it. Honestly, I thought nothing bad would come of it. Like I said, I’ve always denied the fact that I was a hypo…well, you know. Just a few night ago I watched, Switched at Birth, which is, obviously, about 2 newborns that were, perhaps purposely or accidentally, switched at birth. Anyhoo, one of the mothers dies when the baby is just 18 months or so. She had a few tummy aches and within a few days they told her she was dying of ovarian cancer. Oh the horror. You should have seen me starring at that TV. Of course, I thought, how horrible and went back to watching, but in the back of my mind, that little crazy tick was just ticking away, putting all the crazy thoughts into my head.

So, last night I felt a slight pain in my pelvic region. What’s the first thing that pops into my head. Right you are! Never mind the fact that I know there are many causes of pelvic pain. With all the medical facts I know, I could be a doctor…or at least a cool little nurse. One cause is stress and tension. Something I live with daily having three kids and all. But none of this even seems possible to me. So then, my mind starts spiraling out of control. I think of all the reasons why it could be possible. Then I think of all the reasons why it couldn’t be. I just had a pelvic exam and pap in November, and I just knew the results from that were going to be that I was riddled with genital warts and cervical cancer. Blah. I know. Nuts. Anyhoo, the doctor said I was perfect and the pap came back normal. I’ve always had normal paps. So, if I’m suffering from ovarian cancer wouldn’t something have come up, not on the pap, but in the pelvic exam. Surely, this should ease my stressed out mind. Yes, it does…except the Internet is a dangerous thing. And these little fingers searched and searched for info that only led me to believe I’ll be dead in 2 days. Sometimes you have no symptoms until it‘s too late or until it spreads to the stomach…and sometimes it’s not caught in a pelvic exam. Oh the horror.

I am, however, my own shrink. I have a way of talking myself out of these hypochondriac episodes (as they often turn into full fledge panic attacks). I almost want to slap myself now that I see what I’m doing to myself. Logic often fails to knock on my door and say hey, wake up, don’t you see a nasty pattern here. It just passes on by and leaves me waiting for good ol’ panic to come over. I listen to my body too much. Every little twitch, twang or bump as me analyzing it cause, “it wasn‘t there before was it?” I mean, I think it’s good to know my body…but I think sometimes I need to look down at it and say, will you shut your fucking mouth already?

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A Whole Lot of Nuthin’

Today our living space got smaller. Much smaller. At least to me. Ray purchased a 50″ TV that was delivered today. See, I could live with a TV half the size. “I need a large screen to watch my movies and play my video games.” Um, okay. But do we need it that large? The previous TV was 36″. A perfectly nice size for our cozy living area. I admit it’s a nice TV, I just prefer that things be simple and not so uh…massive. The kids stare at it with wide eyes. It’s like a movie theater in our home. It wouldn’t seem so big, if our house wasn’t so small. *lol* Oh well. I’ll just keep watching my 20″ in my room. I think we’re going to put the old tv in the kids room. They have a large room and a tiny 13″ TV. The bigger tv will be nice in their room. I have a small bedroom and a flat screen tv, so I’ll keep what I have..(not giving up the flatscreen!)

Much of today was spent looking at the large addition to the living room, homeschooling SM and making some edits to a clients site.

Ray went to see his Neurologist today, and they want him to start going to physical therapy again. I didn’t get the whole scoop, but I guess this will help him with the feeling in his leg and so it doesn’t give out on him. *shrug* I believe some posts back I told of him being shot in the head…not sure though.


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It’s the New Year Already??

Wow. I haven’t posted in a while. Not much has been going on though. *lol* I’m pretty much the same ol’ boring person this week that I was 2 weeks ago.

Christmas was great! The kids had a blast (and I did too). Ray loved his gift. My mom and in-laws came by.

New year’s eve Ray and I just sat at home. New Year’s day I went shopping. *ha*

The weather has been crazy. One minute it’s raining, the next it’s snowing. We have freezing cold days and somewhat warm days. Ray says it’s because the end of the world is coming. *looks up* “Look! They have snow in Hawaii! That just ain’t normal.” Whateva. I don’t think like that. If you look back in history, I’m sure you could find another time when weather was a bit screwy.

My lease here is up in February, so I must decide if I want to move, stay here, or get on a month-to-month lease. We were just going to stay here until we bought our house, but after Christmas (and Ray’s 50″ TV purchase) we’re running out of room. I’m thinking we may need to move to a place with more space. Heck, I need a room just for Shanon’s school things. Space is just not something we have. I’m constantly rearranging things trying to fit them in better or free up a little bit more space. I thought about getting the girls some bunk beds, but with Shae being so hyper active and Rah being into climbing, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I also thought about getting a day bed with the pull out that fits underneath, so that they could both have a bed, but we could still have space…but I just can’t see me pulling it out everynight. *sigh* I actually never had a daybed, so I don’t know how hard (or easy) it is to pull it out and set it up. Not only that, but now, my stepdaughter will be spending every other weekend here with us (my idea) and will be moving back with us next year. I really think it’s time to buy a house, but I’m really nervous about that. I know the bills in a house will be much higher. *sigh*

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